hmm.. joel asked this question in his blog's chatbox.. why cant everything go my way sometime.. and i replied we can question.. we can doubt.. we can do anything.. but never can we lose faith in God.. how true.. but yet its so hard to do.. it's stated the harvest is plenty but the labourers are few.. here i am wanting to be a labourer for this harvest(my friends) but yet.. its telling me its not ripe.. i dont know.. i know i have to be patient.. but how much time do i have.. i pray.. maybe its not enough.. but i gotta say it out loud now.. i love you dee.. i love you fer.. i want both of you to be saved!! but the skepticism in them is a big barrier i have to cross.. i can never seem to cross over.. i can never seem to break down this barrier.. i feel lost.. really lost.. i know right now i'm not being a very word based christian.. sigh.. another weak point of mine.. but maybe.. because they are too precious to me.. i'm currently reading the five people you meet in heaven.. how i wish they are one of the five.. but in fact i want to meet so many people.. anyhow.. because both of them.. language wise etc etc are so much stronger then me.. and thus.. i need lots of courage to ask them.. i need to know how to answer them etc.. in the end.. i only asked one.. and i got rejected.. this rejection is of so much weight.. that it can bring me down.. i cant bring myself to ask the other anymore.. i'm weak.. i'm coward.. but all these for the sake of not hurting this friendship.. but am i already not hurting this friendship.. as each day passes.. i fear the day we will part.. fear the day life end.. but of cause.. the end of our life on earth is a beginning of yet another more sacred one.. but.. will i be able to see them.. or should i say.. i can help them no more.. i dont want to be up there and when i look down.. i see them.. it pains me to even just see them suffer a little injustice during group project.. moreover an eternal lifetime of being burnt.. my heart is weak.. i love them too much to let them suffer... how i ask you oh Lord.. teach me and guide me.. i'm so not willing to let them go into eternity in hell.. eternity in the fire.. it burns.. its painful.. it hurts me so deeply that i might feel as if i'm facing another death.. but then again.. will i be having any emotions up there? let me know oh lord am i the one to bring them back into your arms.. let me know they're save..assure me oh lord.. i need your reassurance now... you who calms the raging sea.. you who is the almighty.. wont you lord.. just see through my weakness and guide me? you gave me this precious friendship that i'm holding it dearly.. that i'm holding it tight.. and close to my heart.. this cant be a scheme from the devil to bring me down? it has to be part of your plan by bringing this 2 angels into my life.. it has to be your plan.. oh lord.. wont you give me the courage once again.. and i pray out loud to you.. i want them to be saved.. i pray that their hearts are open and receptive to whatever you have for them... i pray the skepticism in them for you will fade off.. i pray that they will understand and learn of your great love for them.. i pray and i pray.. you love them so much more than i can ever love them.. SAVE THEM LORD!!!! my plea to you.. i just want them to be save.. and this brings me back to my grandma.. oh lord.. i just.. aRrgGGg.. wont you guide me in bringing people on this earth who are close to my heart back to your arms once again.. its a torture to see that they do not see this light.. shining so ever brightly.. oh lord.. i cry out to you.. i shout it out loud to you.. just save them save them save them and save them..