hey.. its good friday today.. and i'm suppose to be happy.. because i'm out with wOah wOah like oh so finally.. i seriously miss them to bits.. yep.. service was great.. as usual.. its Rev. Miguel.. he's good.. really good.. but.. i still feel myself losing grip...
well well.. before our wonderful trip started.. i had to be scolded by this old lady in church.. because she said i talked too loud.. hmm.. but its like.. there's no service then.. and its not as if i'm standing right outside the sanctuary.. i was standing at the drive in.. hmm.. i dont know larx.. feel quite bad that i irritated her.. but yet.. i felt strange..
we were on our way to somerset.. and we were just teasing lee as usual.. it was fun talking and laughing together.. and yep.. through some stuff were messed up.. the amazed race went smoothly.. yep.. had second surprise for both of them at cherie's place.. with the inclusion of leonard heng and gang.. was feeling a little out of place.. [told you guys i am not as outgoing as expected..] left after surprising zhon and cherie.. glad that both of them were happy.. yep..
and so.. i'm supposed to be happy right.. but i'm not.. i dont know.. i'm feeling sad.. i'm thinking about life and the problem.. when will all this thinking ever stop.. i dont know is it just me.. or some after exams blue.. gosh.. i'm mad..
its so weird.. i know that the devil is lying to me that i'm not important.. and so on and so forth.. but i just gotta fall into the trap.. and am falling deeper and deeper.. i feel as if i'm in this dark cave.. never to see any ray of light.. never.. i yearn for the light in my life.. how is it possible i dont see it? God is light.. i'm in the dark.. it should be more obvious isnt it.. but why aint it obvious.. i see the light dim.. and slowly disappear.. is it me running away from God? i dont know.. i acknowledge the fact that God is there always.. you know everything that i go through is for a reason.. but.. why am i falling.. there's nothing to break the fall.. i wish i didnt start thinking about my position in life.. my position in people's life..
i come into this world.. naked.. without anyone.. i came alone.. and so.. i will leave this world naked and alone.. but in the journey on life.. i need company.. i found them.. but yet seem i lost them? i dont know.. i want to bring a smile to my face.. but it seems rather tough.. i dont feel real anymore.. i feel that i'm just acting out my daily life.. everything is just an act.. nothing seems real to me anymore...