had many chance to ponder to think to rest. realised that i really have lots of wonderful friends although we dont talk much. friends that stick to you through your down, i think that's when you really know who's your real friend. and i gladly say, i have a number of these wonderful friends. God has bless me with the many blessings that i often take for granted. with a small example, my parents and sister.
i often envy people who are so close to their siblings and parents. so close that the conversation topics are never restricted. i want that kind of relationship. but maybe its the asian culture which leads to us not having that kind of a relationship. but nevertheless my parents love me alot and of cause i love them alot too. i foresee many lonely days and nights ahead for them as both my sis and myself are slowly growing up. and it kindda hurts alittle. my parents and i guess most parents, they spend most of their time and money on both my sis and myself. besides work, they spend their time with both my sis and us. they dont go out with friends like for a drink or those kindda of things. my dad very much dont like to socialise. but i dont know how i can spend more time with them when i myself have no time for myself alone.
you know, the time that never stops. its the most "cruel" thing that all humans gotta go through. marketing and sales people would always say time is money. but what is time actually? growing up is tough. whoever said growing up is fun? when sometimes looking back puts a smile on your face, it often adds a tinge of sadness behind for you yearn to go back in time. i can never understand how someone can be so hardhearted to forget every memories they once had.
now that i face the stress and having the busy schedules, i find time running at a pace i could and can never catch up. its a race i gotta complete. but what is my ultimate goal? is it just finishing this project and get an A? i feel really suffocating. with group mates being all non-christian, i can never find a common ground. not that we dont have anything to talk, but you know, i foresee problems rising due to the different values we all have. i gotta pray. definitely. and within such a short span of time, i'm already physcially and mentally drain. what's my next step? i fear the future. the uncertainties are getting to me.
had a long chat with you* yesterday. wouldnt say its a very fruitful chat cause i was half dead. and i'm sorry for upsetting you during that short period of time. but i assure you* i will be fine.
corrin just shoot me a question am i sad? i'm stuck at that question. i wouldnt exactly say i'm sad, but i'm feeling really blank. dont ask me why. but its just that feeling. and i really thank god for speaking to zhonyun today while she prayed for me. yes, let me feel the feeling of my first love with you again lord. i really need to draw strength from you to walk this rocky path.
corrin also just said that TAS is probably affecting me greatly. i'm really far from getting use to it. sigh. i'm sorry for the random typings here cause i'm chatting with corrin now. oh well, i guess i need prayers and more prayers. i need to get myself back up again.