i dont know much, and i admit. life is a learning process, a process that will only end when i'm lying in the coffin. and i'm always learning for the sake of people around me. i don't like to place my focus on myself, but choose to focus of people around me. somehow or another, i just find myself being brought back to the fact of the icy cold world that we're living in, and no matter how much good work that we do, be nice to people and stuff, no one will appreciate it. so why bother?
you know, there comes a point when you just feel so tired of being nice. and no, of course not. i do not seek to be recognised by people of my works and stuff, i just need someone to be there to encourage me of the works i've done and so on and so forth. yeah, of course, i have God. and i will never ever wanna deny Him.
i see the surrounding, the environment and the people changing. changing so much that i dont know where is where, who is who. and i thought, why arent i changing too? am i too narrow minded. i dont know. i dont feel the warmth that i should anymore. so is it me, or is it the other factors?
friends, i never lack do i. but close to my heart, i dont know. probably still in search. nono. you all are still important to me, but perhaps other factors are causing a barrier? i dont know. i feel as if i got a huge problem for myself to solve. maybe my heart was never open to let anyone in. *shrugs* i'm quite tired of being the bouncy and cheery one. let me be the quiet one for once.
i guess, much as we want all things to work out, i no longer know you, and you no longer know me. common understanding, its gone. haha. talk about forever- did i mention, i never believe in that. ever since my first forever was gone, the word was gone in my dictionary. let's just hope for the best in our daily life. you're happy, i'll be happy. most importantly, God still rules in our life.
much as i have thoughts of being a wild person, being a totally unglam person, being like what the trend is leading, i will not, because God is my life, and i live my life to please him, not people, not myself. and i guess, no one will understand this entry and who it is for. however, God knows. =) i thank God for each and everyone of you in my life. i just want time alone.