seriously, i dont know what to expect out of it and i definitely dont know what i'm feeling anymore. i see what's ahead covered with mist and i'm totally uncertain of the outcome and stuffs like that. so many possibilities and fear. to say that i'm not scared, i'm lying to myself. i try keeping my mind occupied. but, what do you expect, it's not that easy eh. my dad asked if my studies has been affected, i kept quiet, but actually i think, it has been affected. i don't know what is happening in school already. what if i told my dad that? nothing much can be done too right? and seriously, its hard to be sitting in front of the computer doing work at current condition. tell me please, how do i go on? sigh. this is probably a very pessimistic point of view. but i'm still seeking guidiance here and there. God has definitely been good by allowing it to be on most saturdays. which means, i wont miss so much of school. however, i need to learn to cope and get use to a new lifestyle.