Alone in this house again tonight/I got the TV on/the sound turned down/And a bottle of wine/ there's pictures of you and I/On the walls around me/That way that it was/And could've been surrounds me/I'll never get over you walking away//I've never been the kind/To ever let my feelings show/And I thought that being strong/Meant never losing your self-control/But i'm just drunk enough/To let go of my pain/To hell with my pride/Let if fall like rain from my eyes/Tonight I wanna cry//Would it help if I turned//The sad song on//All by myself//Would sure hit me hard/Now that your gone/Or maybe unfold/Some old yellow lost love letters/Its gonna hurt bad before it gets better/But I'll never get over you/By hiding this way//Cause I've never been the kind/To ever let my feelings show/And i thought that being strong/Meant never losing your self-control/But i'm just drunk enough/To let go of my pain/To hell with my pride/Let it fall like rain from my eyes/Tonight I wanna cry/ _____________________________________________________________________________________
song titled- Tonight I wanna cry singer- Keith Urban genra- Country
if you watched American Idol today, the song Ace sang, well, its this. a beautiful song really. and i'm totally absorbed into this. the lyrics, the melody, everything. so much so, i really thought i would cry any moment. actually there's a lot of moment whereby i too have my strong emotions which i do show once in awhile. ahaha. i show a lot of my emotions last time. you can ask my old friend. haha. losing my temper was like so normal. looking back, i did grow ya? but yup, definitely by His grace that i've changed.
today or rather yesterday, was another normal day. with some not so good stuffs happening, but i think i'm fine larx. like come on, what can i do about it right?! i just dont like it when people were shocked by what happened like they never did expect it coming and stuffs. because you know something called probability? ahahaha. ok larx. but crap larx. i hate it when people place such expectations on me. but again, who am i to say when i too place expectations on people. well, everyone at any one time sure did place unreasonable expectations on people around them. have i mention this before about expectations and love? ahaha. well, let's talk a little bit about it.
i remember not too long ago, or maybe quite sometime ago, i was chatting with my old friend about expectations. i was making this comment that went something like this..
we have expectations because we love, but then we dont have expectations also because we love.
my old friend was definitely confused by what i'm saying. like what am i talking about. i'm just contradicting myself in that silly statement i make. but i dont know, from my point, it definitely made some sense. so i started explaining to my old friend. a good example of people having expectations on us-- our parents. they expect us to do well in our studies, never getting into trouble, expect us to excel in our other activities yadayada. the list just goes on ya. but why do they have such expectations on us? because they cant attain it last time and so they want us to attain all these nonsense for them? well, maybe its argueable. but hey hey, doesnt it just boils down to them loving us too much, so much so that they dont want us to waste our life now and suffer in the future? that we would be bullied by people yadayada. its all out of love isnt it?
okok. so you get the expectations coming together with love. but, what about the second part of the sentence?
i cant exactly draw up an example for you all. but its also because of love. trust me. because as time goes by, as we live and let live (hopefully) we realise that a lot of times, pains are caused by expectations laid on us. and so, because you love this person so much, and so you just dont want to change this person to be another person, and so you let this person live the way he/she want it to be as long as he/she dont end up hurting themselves. its also love isnt it? its not that they dont want to care, but rather, they dont want to change who you're supposed to be. well, that's what i have to say about the second part. put in some thought, you probably get what i mean after awhile.
much as expectations build people up, they tear people down too.
haha. that was quite a bit of my thoughts about expectations. Life, so hard to live on our own. have been living it on my own for quite awhile, and i must say, i've never felt more tired then this period of time. like how you have to hold yourself up, keep yourself away from dangers yadayadayada. and realise that you're actually back to one person. no one by your side no one to talk to yadaydayda. it's back to loneliness. what a joke. but seriously, the thought of God playing a joke on me has never crossed my mind before, because i know, the joke in my life, was actually acted and directed by myself.
and when i thought i was a fool, i found a greater fool.. dying on the cross to save an ugly soul like mine. you're the greatest fool that deserve the whole world's love and more, that do not deserve all that you've been through... and now, i just want to be YOUR fool..