tomorrow is officially a month since i lost you in my life forever. i cant help but wonder the possibility of seeing you again. its silly, but yes, i am crossing my fingers and praying hard i will see you again, cause i really do miss you. it's never easy losing someone. but at least now, i'm able to talk about that incident without that much sadness? i dont know. really pray that your family is coping well. but maybe, your departure was a way to bring about a gathering that was never meant to be.
ever since that incident occured, i cannot find much reason to smile already. perhaps i'm wallowing in self-pity. i know there are tons of millions of people out there who has been through worser scenarios. but i cant help but still question why do i have to go through so much losses.
frankly speaking, i believe God is still REAL. really. cause everyday i just find it amazing that He reveals himself to me in so many different ways. but.. i just simply stand in awe at that point of time, and after awhile, everything just disappears. and i hate it. i hate myself for allowing such magic fade away. i really do. i just feel myself fading behind. like a picture that belongs to me and talks about me, now the table has turned. i have now demoted myself to blend within the background, that this picture no longer belongs to me but rather, an unknown person.
i need a breakthrough, like seriously. this is getting way way bad for my spiritual life. its as if i'm gonna reach spiritual death. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. i dont want that to happen. sigh. but what can i do? nothing. i just need Him more then ever in my life.
the world is moving along a highway where only the fast cars survive. and everyone is just too busy reaching their own destination. I on the other hand, is a old old car that has problem with the engine and can no longer speed and race like before. i'm all alone, cause everyone out there is just too goal orientated. who, who will be willing to slow down, and burden themselves with an old car like me and walk with me to the end goal of life? i just need that person now...